ARIZONA HUMOR

humor:

Inconsiderate Sows During a visit to a hog farm near Phoenix, I asked the owner how he knew when his sows would give birth. "Well, that's easy," he said. "You just figure she'll be ready in around 113 days. It always works out to three months, three weeks, and three in the morning." Thomas LaMance, Prewitt, NM The Mouths of Babes Standing beside her mother in a teller line at a local Tucson bank, my friend's five-year-old daughter became fidgety and began to ease away from Mom's side. She wandered to a young man whose arms were covered with tattoos.

Frowning, the child looked up at the stranger and said, "Your mommy is going to be real mad at you for writing on your arms." Annabelle Winfrey, Tucson Moving Merchandise I always enjoyed those summer visits to my cousin's trading post along old U.S. Route 66, where she sold a colorful mixture of Indian art and curios. I spent time in the store with her, watching her sell Arizona souvenirs and jewelry to tourists. And how she loved to make a sale. One day an excited shopper insisted, "Miss, miss, I just have to buy that mechanical snake."

A cowboy who gets his leathers wet will soon have his chaps stick Bewildered, my cousin grabbed her sales book and followed the customer to the back of the store. I was right behind my cousin when she saw it an enormous bull snake, slithering among the pottery bowls. There was nothing mechanical about it. She lost that sale. Pat Bezunartea, Scottsdale The Mining Town My eight-year-old grandson visited us in Wickenburg. He lives in Round Mountain, Nevada, where his father works in a massive gold mine. The first morning, I made breakfast while listening to the news, and he seemed unusually absorbed in the announcements. Then he asked, "Grandma, do you have a big mine like ours around here?" "No," I answered. "There are several mines, but nothing as big as Round Mountain. Why?" "Well, how come so many miners are having wrecks all the time?" I paused, trying to think what he might be talking about, when the announcer spoke, "... and watch out for another minor accident at I-17 and...." Carole Jarvis, Wickenburg Colt, only to land on the ground again and again. Finally the ranch owner, who'd been observing the series of defeats, summed up the problem. "Son," he said, "that horse is learning how to buck faster than you are learning how to ride." Budge Ruffner, Phoenix Dip, Anyone? While visiting my sister in Tucson, I went on an interpretive tour of Saguaro National Park with a group of tourists from northern California. The ranger was explaining how the Tohono O'odham used the creosote bush for medicine when a rancher commented that even today they use creosote for sheep dip. "What in the world is sheep dip?" a woman from Sacramento asked. Before the rancher could respond, another tourist said, "You know, it was that green sauce we had last night with our lamb chops." Bob Thaxton, Buffalo, IL Slow Learner At the Cross Triangle Ranch several years ago, a young cowboy tried hard to break a spirited colt. Time and again he mounted the Colt, only to land on the ground again and again. Finally the ranch owner, who'd been observing the series of defeats, summed up the problem. "Son," he said, "that horse is learning how to buck faster than you are learning how to ride." Budge Ruffner, Phoenix The cowboy saying at the top of the page is from the Arizona Highways humor book Cow Pie Ain't No Dish You Take to the County Fair. To order call toll-free (800) 543-5432. The book costs $6.95 plus shipping and handling.