ARIZONA HUMOR

humor:

A Problem Indeed While taking in one of the views along the North Rim of the Grand Canyon, I noticed a young boy tossing rocks over the edge. Slightly perturbed, I moved to admonish him about the danger to hikers below. But I had to laugh when his mother beat me to a much more pressing issue. "Honey, stop that!" she said. "You'll fill it up!"

The Big Find After living in the Payson area for three years and reading everything I could about the native culture, both past and present, I considered myself quite learned. One afternoon I embarkedon an outing to the Shoofly Village ruins with some friends from Phoenix, and we happened upon a group of archaeologists lunching beneath the trees. Nearby stood a freshly worked area with a pit about three or four feet deep. Leaning carefully over the side of the pit, we speculated about the wonderful discovery. Just then, one of the specialists joined us. Eager to display my knowledge before my friends, I commented that the site looked very important. "It is," replied the man. "This is where we're building the new park latrines."

Not What You're Thinking Our young associate pastor was asked to lecture at a local women's symposium.

You're not a real cowboy if you believe chow is an expensive dog, or a trendy way to say good-bye When his wife asked about his topic, he was too embarrassed to admit the subject was sex. Without thinking, he told her the topic was sailing. At the grocery store the next morning, a lady who had attended the symposium rushed up to the minister's wife and gushed, "Wow, your husband sure gave an excellent talk. He really has a unique perspective on the subject." "That's odd, he's only done it twice," mused the wife. "The first time he got sick and vomited, and the second time his hat blew off."

Geography Lesson I worked as a construction foreman in Louisiana a couple of years ago, and one day a young man in my crew asked where our next job would be. "I hear we'll be in Arizona," I told him. He was silent for a moment, then ventured, "Arizona... that's somewhere in Texas, ain't it?"

Confusing Popularity The popularity of Carlos Castaneda's books about a Yaqui named Don Juan led to a number of people coming to the Indian villages asking for "Don Juan." But so many of the villagers were named Don Juan that the standard reply became "Which Juan?"

Go Fetch Red and Slim, a couple of duck hunters, were out on a pond with Slim's hound dog, Beauty. Every time Slim shot a duck, Beauty would race out onto the pond, and skitter across the top of the water to retrieve it. This happened several times. Red couldn't believe his eyes. "I've never seen anything like it," he said. "Ah, that dog does nothing but embarrass me every time we go a-hunting," replied Slim. "Embarrass you? How so?" "You know I've had Beauty six years, and I still can't teach her how to swim."

Gallopin' Grandma While we basked poolside in the warm Yuma sun with a few other folks last winter, the subject of physical fitness came up. One fellow announced, "My grandma started running five miles a day when she was 60 years old. She's 92 now, and we don't know where the devil she is."

TO SUBMIT HUMOR Send us an original short story, no more than 200 words, about your humorous experiences, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish. Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission. We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.

ENJOY ARIZONA'S BEAUTY AND WONDER ALL YEAR LONG ARIZONA HIGHWAYS' AWARD-WINNING CALENDARS

Famous for their striking photography, Arizona Highways' calendars have graced homes and offices around the world with the scenic beauty of Arizona since 1966.

2000 CLASSIC WALL CALENDAR

The original. This 13-month calendar is wire-bound to lie flat against the wall and offers a generous amount of room for date-by-date reminders. It comes ready for gift-giving with a complimentary mailing envelope. 30 full-color photographs. 12" by 9". #CAL00 $6.99

2000 ΕNGAGEMENT CALENDAR

Each week features ample space for notes and appointments. Wire-bound to lie flat on your desk or table, this calendar is quite portable and comes packaged in an easy-to-mail gift box. 60 full-color photographs. 6" by 9". #ENGOO $10.95

SCENIC ARIZONA 2000 CALENDAR

This large 13-month wall calendar features exquisite images of Arizona from some of the best photographers working today. It opens to a grand 14" by 24" and features descriptive text and “when you go” information about each location. 14 full-color photographs. 14" by 12". #CALSAO $12.99 TO ORDER: Use the attached card or call toll-free nationwide, 1-800-543-5432. In the Phoenix area or outside the U.S., call 602-258-1000. Or fax to 602-254-4505. Visit us at http://www.arizonahighways.com to order online.