HUMOR

The enterprising preacher boasted to his wife when he got home from church. “Attendance has shot up,” he said, “since we put in the snack bar.” From the WitWorks™ humor book Do You Pray, Duke? by Jim Willoughby. To order, call toll-free (800) 543-5432. The cost is $6.95 plus shipping and handling.

One summer I worked at Saguaro National Park's east unit in Tucson. A gentleman in a rented car pulled up to the kiosk and paid the fee to drive the loop road through the cactus forest. When I asked him if he had any questions, he replied, “Which ones are the saguaros?” I pointed out the stately cacti and then suggested he view the film and exhibits in the visitors center.

After doing just that, he returned to the kiosk and asked, “Where can I find the perfect cactus?” I gave him the locations of the oldest and largest specimens at the time. He replied, “No, I want to know where the perfect cactus is, you know [as he held up both arms], like in the comic strips.”

SONIA M. GASHO Pearce

It was fun to guess where they were from by the way they talked.

One day when we were walking back from the mess hall, we passed a clump of trees in which some birds made quite a noisy chatter. My newly acquired friend from the East Coast said, “Listen to them boids choipen.” My friend from Arizona said, “Those ain't boids, those are birds.” Then my new friend said, “Well, they shore do choip like boids.”

KELLOGG Los Osos, CA

My wife had waxed the floor of the utility room and placed a small rug in front of the dryer. As I walked through this room, the rug slid out from under me. I hit my head on the door and needed stitches.

train ride from Williams to the Grand Canyon. We sang songs on the train, witnessed a mock cowboy gunfight and had a picnic overlooking the beauty and expanse of the Canyon.

Recalling that vacation recently with our son, I asked him if he remembered that wonderful trip to the Grand Canyon. As I was thinking of what he might recall the train ride, the cowboys, most likely the gift shop (always a favorite) — he replied, “Oh yeah, I remember, that's the trip Grandma gave me those yucky apricots!”

YVONNE ZANZUCCHI Delray Beach, FL

A friend left his small children outside on a cool day while he went into the grocery store. When he returned, one of the children asked their dad if one goose was called a goose and more than one was called geese. He said that was correct. The child then turned to his companion and said, “See there, I told you those were geese bumps on my arms.”

ARLEEN ALDRIDGE Monett, MO

A friend and her 5-year-old daughter took a day trip with me during which we passed the location of a nudist camp. Not wanting to be too graphic, we talked about it in terms we hoped the child wouldn't understand.

A few weeks later, the mother called and told me the little girl had been invited to a party for a classmate who was turning 6. When asked what she wanted to wear, the tyke asked, “Can I wear my birthday suit?”

RUTH BURKE Bowie

In the military I was stationed near Chandler and had the pleasure of meeting people from all over the United States. It My wife came running when she saw me on the floor and said, “I'm going across the street to get Lyle to help you up.” Lyle returned with another man Bob, our local undertaker. As Bob stooped to help me up he commented, “You know, Jim, I'm not used to picking up live bodies.”

JAMES H. DUFFY Stayton, OR

Last year my husband and I took our 4-year-old son and his grandmother on the nostalgic

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